Sunday, January 15, 2012

I Thought I Was the Teacher . . .

Today we were supposed to go on a little field trip after church, to visit our province's Science Centre, about 3 hours from where we live.  But, our plans had to quickly change as we realized that a lot of snow arrived overnight and as a result, the highways were not in very good condition.  We didn't want to risk becoming stranded in another city, so we opted to stay home from both church and the Science Centre.  Hopefully we'll be able to make the trip next Saturday or Sunday . . . that is, if the weather cooperates. 

After assessing the weather and road conditions this morning, and making the "final call" about what our plan was going to be today, my heart sank with disappointment.  I spent all day yesterday with the mindset that we would not be home today, but rather, enjoying family time and learning at the same time.  Unfortunately, Wayne and I had a bit of an argument, which I'm sure stemmed from my underlying disappointment about not being able to go on our excursion today.  I spoke words that were not very gracious, and so did he.  I hate when that happens . . . especially after all my talk of change yesterday. 

We just spent the last hour studying God's word and praying.  The boys are doing their own personal reading through the book of John each night before they go to bed, and as a family we have been reading aloud the book, Heaven for Kids by Randy Alcorn.  I printed off a worksheet for them to do, which fit in nicely with our reading for today, and we were able to pray for needs and concerns that we have; for people we know and about life in general.  All this while Chris Tomlin played in the background.

Somehow, this simple time of study and prayer, was a blessing to me.  What started out as a day full of dismay is turning into one of corporate worship with four people.  And my own children have taught me a lesson in accepting disappointments when they come our way.  When we told them we weren't going to be able to go on our trip today, they both accepted it without anything other than an, "Okay."  And, rather cheerfully, I might add.  My response was anything but cheerful.  I became angry and frustrated, directing that straight to my husband.  I "sulked" as I washed up the breakfast dishes, trying desperately to overcome my disappointment with a heart that was grateful.  Was I willing to see the good in this, even when my heart was sad?  Did I want to forgive when my husband asked for it?  No, not really; but I knew that if I didn't look for good, and if I didn't accept the apology, I was only harming myself and my relationship with both Wayne and God.  So, I did what I had to do and chose forgiveness.  And I thanked God for the change in plans instead of dwelling on what didn't go right.

Now I feel free.  And light.  And grateful.

I do not know where the rest of this day will take us . . . likely to a place of eating together, laughing together and playing together.  My heart does not ache so much now.

Today, I am thankful for:

43.  The gift of My Children's Example in the face of my own disappointment.

44.  The gift of My Husband's Heart.

45.  The gift of Corporate Worship with only 4 people.  The highlight for me was hearing my children pray.

1 comment:

Pastor Ted said...

Enjoyed browsing through some of your posts in past couple of weeks. I especially appreciate your transparency about how you handled (or didn't handle disappointment). Saw myself in your response - and how I often am the one that takes it out on my wife- and she in turn keeps been so kind and forgiving even after I have hurt her.

I like your list of things to be thankful for! Good reminder to see the blessing in the small and everyday things of life.