HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CANADA!

M.I.A.

I know I've been Missing In Action this past month, but June has been extremely busy for us. July is looking to be just as busy, but with different busy "stuff" than June had. School is officially over and we are now on holidays! Yippee! I've got a mental list of about 107 things to get accomplished this summer, and one of those things is to get the mental list down on paper so that I can check-off the things that I have accomplished and ponder the list of things I have yet to do. Maybe I'll post my list on my sidebar and keep track of it that way.

I've got a few posts brewing in my mind, with titles such as these: Brown (finally . . . I think I was supposed to post on this several months ago); Jamming Up the Turbo; The Total Package; Adam and Eve's Gift to Us; Flowers; My Clydesdale; Lincoln (Linx)--You Were a Surprise Package; Why a Pacifist Learned How to use a Gun . . . and maybe more. Hey, if I get these 8 posts published over the course of the summer I'll be doing good.

Which title are you interested in the most? Leave me a comment and the winning title will get my first thoughts on screen for the summer blogging season.

Happy Birthday, Ty!

I don't think this kid will ever grow old.

Happy 8th Birthday, Ty!

I love you so much!

Update on My Agenda . . .

1. I didn't even open my binder to work on my assignment.

2. The laundry has been re-directed to the bedrooms, but I have yet to see anyone put it away in their dressers.

3. I got the house tidied up a bit, but not cleaned like I had hoped.

4. I started Turbo Jam and I love it. I thought I'd be in severe pain today due to the utilization of muscles I didn't know I had, but I don't feel that bad. The workout itself was very enjoyable and I can hardly wait until I can actually see the results on my body. I know it will take several weeks, but I think I finally found an exercise "program" that works for me. Thanks to my niece, Mykal, for inspiring me to do this.

5. Not only did I bake buns, but I baked cinnamon buns as well. Most of them were given away to locals who are either grieving the loss of loved ones, or recovering from surgery; but the boys and I did get to enjoy some of the fruits of my labour.

I guess I didn't do too badly, considering I didn't get started on the buns until close to 9:00 p.m.

Unrelated to my Turbo Jam workout, my arm is in a lot of pain today. Last night at about 10:00 p.m., Pepper bit me. To make a long story short, it was because I was holding Alaska, and the bite was actually intended for Alaska, not me. As a result of my attempt to protect Alaska, I have three wonderful teeth marks in the palm of my hand. Yowzers, did that hurt! So today on my lunch break I was treated to a tetanus shot, as well as a prescription for antibiotics. The tetanus shot was in my left arm, and it hurts a lot. I don't think my left arm will be able to participate in Turbo Jam a whole lot tonight. But I'll keep working the rest of my body anyway.

Tomorrow I get to work in the classroom as opposed to going to the recycling centre, for which I am grateful. And on Thursday I get to attend Mitchell & Ty's field trip at the Children's Festival. Fun! Fun! Fun!

On My Agenda . . .

1. Complete an assignment for my Supporting Instruction I course, which has given me new insight into the world of beavers . . .

2. Try to hand out clean, folded laundry to the appropriate owners so that they can return it to their bedrooms . . .

3. Attempt to clean the house before my mom and dad arrive on Wednesday for a one-day overnight visit. Mitchell is in a school play on Wednesday and on Thursday I need my parents to look after the boys for me after school so that I can attend my staff year-end party, followed by Mitchell's ball game . . .

4. Begin my new exercise program called Turbo Jam. Today is the day and I'm so excited to get started. (Can you believe I just said that?)

5. Bake buns.

All this from now until 11:00 p.m.? Not likely. (It's currently 4:00 p.m.). But it feels good to get my goals down "on paper" so-to-speak. I'll let you know how much of the above I actually accomplish today.

TTFN! (Ta-ta-for-now!)

12 Years, 6 Days and 44%

12 Years

Wayne and I celebrated our 12th Wedding Anniversary on Sunday, May 17th. Yes, we celebrated 11 years of wedded bliss. We joke about this because year 1 of our marriage nearly set off WWIII. The 11 years following have been so much better!


6 Days

I haven't had a Diet Coke since Thursday, May 14th. This is a record for me. I'm trying to cut-back my Diet Coke consumption. So far, so good. I don't even really miss it.


44%

On Tuesday morning I was called into the Principal's office to meet with the Principal and Vice Principal. They assured me I wasn't in trouble. However, I was given the news of major staffing cut-backs in our school. They have had to cut one E.A. completely, plus some. Fortunately, I am not at the bottom of the seniority list, but I am still affected by this all. I will still have my job in September, but only 44% of full-time hours. This equals 13.2 hours of work per week. There is hope, though . . . the Vice Principal informed me today that I'll likely be getting an increase because another E.A. has requested less hours for next year. Nothing has been finalized as of yet, but it sounds like I should be up to at least 50% for next year.


P.S.
Thank you for all your encouraging comments after my "Messy" post. I feel blessed to have a unique support system through blogging. I appreciate you all.

Messy

I've been doing a lot of crying lately. And it's not just the fact that my American Idol hopeful got voted off this past week; it's not the fact that Izzy Stevens and George O'Malley are possibly dead; it's not because Michael and Lincoln are soon to be a distant memory . . . by the way, in case you're wondering whether or not I have too deep a connection with television characters or reality-t.v. show personalities, you'd be right. And yes, these things have been making me cry; but the tears were there long before the drama unfolded.

I've been feeling very overwhelmed with a lot ifs, ands and buts in recent weeks . . . not to mention the stark truth about things in life that I cannot change and have no control over. I'll try to be brief in my synopsis of each item, but please, bear with me. You could be here a while.

My Messy Synopsis consists of the following:

a. The weekend I'm currently in. Or any weekend for that matter. It seems that there is always so much to do, so many people to see and so many places to go on Saturdays and Sundays that I can barely catch my breath before Monday comes and the week begins all over again. For instance, this weekend started out with one goal in mind (planting my garden), and hoping for relaxation the rest of it. However, this is no longer the case, as I've got one sick child, two extra boys visiting, a garden to plant, good friends coming to see us, plus catching up on all my housework, laundry and yard work. Throw in church on Sunday and there's not much time for any real relaxation. And by that I mean, a bubble bath, massage, or a date with my husband. I'm exhausted just thinking about it and the weekend has barely started.

b. My boys are always on my mind. Their spiritual development, or lack thereof, becomes so overwhelming at times that I don't know what to do to help them improve their spiritual lives. Mitchell's battle with teasing and emotional bullying never lets up. Ty is easily-influenced; he has many friends. He's very popular. But I find that scary because he is a follower and not a leader. I know he's only 7, but I worry about his future. Mitchell is the opposite, and he takes a stand for what he believes, but that seems to have created an alien world for him and it's sad to see. Not that I want him to be a conformist. I just pray that someone would accept him and seek his friendship. He has so much to offer and I think it's sad that his peers don't recognize that. My stepson, whom I rarely speak of on this blog due to extenuating circumstances is currently on a downward spiral. His life choices are creating a dangerous path for him. He is 18 years old and considered an adult; but he is acting foolish and not taking into account the ramifications of his behaviors. I continually feel like a failure because for all intents and purposes, I was his only mother for 9 years and apparently my efforts were in vain. It is very hard to see someone you love self-destruct.

c. My job hangs in the balance. Each year around this time the school division evaluates staffing needs for each school in its district. This process is currently underway and while I have obtained a small level of seniority in the past year, my prospects to continue on at the school where I currently work look a bit dismal. I may have the option to transfer to another school, but I would prefer to stay where I am because that's where my boys attend and I love, love, love my job. It's my absolute favorite job I've ever had. I am supposed to have an answer to the job question by the end of May, but last year I still did not know my job status until school started at the end of August. I truly hope it is not going to be the same long process again this year.

d. Wayne's boss cut all the overtime opportunities for all employees until further notice. This is a big deal for us, especially as I approach summer holidays when I have no income for two months (and possibly longer, depending on what happens with my contract). I'm hoping and praying that the overtime will be reinstated prior to July 1st.

e. In order to further develop my skills as an Educational Associate, I am currently enrolled in a distance education program through a local college (this is code for correspondence course). I have 11 courses to take in total, and I'm taking my first course. I wanted to start small because I wasn't sure how I was going to fit yet one more thing into my already-busy life. It is tough. I like the fact that I can sort of work at my own pace, but there are still deadlines, and honestly, when I was studying for my mid-term exam a few weeks ago, I kept asking myself, Are you crazy, woman? It's been over 15 years since you were a student! How do you possibly think you are going to pass this exam? Well, I did a lot of studying. And it paid off in the end. I got 94% on my mid-term. I'm relieved that exam is over, but there will be another one in August plus two major assignments in-between. I like the course. I would just like it better if I didn't have a zillion other things pulling the opposite direction from working on it.

f. I feel that my attitude is out of line. I have limited desire to serve my family or my church. I don't know why I feel this way, I just do. I am tired and weary and feel like I've lost my desire to give.

g. We've been living in our community for two-and-a-half years and I still feel like a misfit. I have just begun to make one friend whom I would consider to be my closest friend here . . . closest in distance from where we live in the country and closest in friendship. I have shared a lot with her but now I'm wondering if I'm pushing this friendship too much . . . too quickly. I don't want to smother her; but seriously, she is the first person to reach out to me and make an attempt to be my friend. I have lots of acquaintances here--other moms that I can arrange play dates for my boys with (well, for Ty. Not Mitchell. No one wants to play with him); other moms that I can sit at ball and chat with about seemingly trivial things; other women that I work with in the school. But I haven't made any real connections with anyone. Until now, with my neighbor who lives down the road. She moved here about six months before I did, and her husband grew up in this community, so she's made more connections than me and I'm not sure if she's even looking to expand her friendship base. But I'm growing to appreciate her more and more as time goes on. She says she's struggled to fit in here as well, but when I see her in social settings she doesn't appear to be struggling. I don't know . . . it's just hard to make a close friend when you're the age I am.

h. More on my new friend. She is not a Christian and I am hoping that one day, a door will open in order for me to share my faith with her. It has been a long time since I shared my faith with another adult. I have had several opportunities with children in recent years, but with adults . . . it's been a while. I am both excited and anxious/nervous about where this is headed and this is one area where I feel God is maybe going to use me in order to build His kingdom. And it's been encouraging and refreshing for me to hear at church in recent messages from the pastors that we are all God's instruments. He uses us as His tools to expand His kingdom. However, we need to be open to His leading and guidance as we interact with other people. I truly want to do this. I'm just scared.

i. Wow . . . if you've made it this far, good for you. This will likely be my final messy point, since I am running out of energy to continue on with this post. So, lastly, I wish I could change the expectations I have of myself with regards to what my yard looks like; what my house looks like; what my body and hair looks like; what my boys and husband act like. Unrealistic expectations just cause discontentment and are a recipe for disaster. I know that. I'm just not living it. I wish I could. I don't know how to change. I think many of my messy feelings would disappear if I could rid myself of unrealistic expectations, or expectations that take more work than they're worth to achieve.

I don't know if anyone out there can relate to anything I've posted about today, but if you have anything to say, I'd really appreciate a comment from you. I feel very alone right now and I'm just not sure where to go from here. I know that my blogging audience has dwindled over the past year, and I honestly don't even know why I continue to blog. But if you still continue to visit me, thank you. I truly appreciate it.