"Consider it pure joy . . . whenever you face trials of many kinds . . . " James 1:2
I'm trying. But failing.
This morning has been a trying time for me with my boys. Yesterday they had the day off from school. Today and tomorrow are their normal days off. And then Monday is a holiday. Normally I anticipate these long weekends with them, but for some reason I'm really struggling to be the best mom I can be right now. My patience level seems to be at an all-time low, and I apparently have little tolerance for mess at the moment. It seems that everywhere I turn, a mess surrounds me. And I just cleaned my house a couple of days ago. My thoughts of trying to maintain order were dismissed early this morning.
Yesterday our quad and riding mower/tiller/snow blower machine both broke down. We just bought the mower a week ago (used) and it's already giving us grief. It seems like we've been continually tested since we've moved to the acreage. First, our car broke down and required a new engine; next, our computer crashed and took a month to repair; then our sewage system gave us problems and we had to replace the pump and have been advised that we also require a whole new septic tank; we were denied the insurance claim for flooring in our basement due to the sewage backup, but we still have to remove the carpet and put in new flooring due to the damage; our dog required surgery to remove porcupine quills; and our quad and garden tractor have just broken down.
What this all adds up to is a lot of stress. Not to mention expenses that exceed our income. Sound familiar to any of you? I know I need to trust God to work this all out. He always does. But it's hard when you're in the midst of it and it seems like there's no way out.
I think my frustrations with the boys actually stem from the fact that I'm stressing out inside (about the broken down machinery, mostly), and it's playing itself out in the way I'm relating to them (and Wayne too). I'm praying for a peace that only God can bring me.
Paul wrote in Romans 7:15: "I do not understand the things I do. I do not do what I want to do, and I do the things I hate." That verse pretty much sums up the way I'm feeling about myself today.