I am feeling a bit lost these days . . . lost in the never-ending schedule that I have created for myself. I take complete ownership for the craziness I subject myself to each and every day, and I blame only myself for the nights where I do not get enough sleep.
I am really looking forward to my two-week break from work during the Christmas holidays. I spent a large part of this past weekend either shopping for Christmas, planning for the next three weeks of school, running errands or cooking/baking and doing laundry for my family. All of these activities in-and-of-themselves I do not mind. However, when they are jumbled into a busy weekend and where "Black Friday" has somehow made its way into Canada, it's just been a bit too much for me to handle. I had two appointments in the city on Friday and as much as I can help it, I will never again go to the city on a Black Friday.
This morning I witnessed my best friend's daughter take a step of faith in baptism. It was a beautiful reminder to me of God's goodness in the life of a believer despite crappy circumstances. This 13-year-old girl, her three sisters and her mom (my best friend) have been through a lot in the past year. However, the testimony of this young teenager really encouraged me to sojourn on, even when life is tough.
After the service, a friend of mine came to share some words of encouragement with me. She said I've been on her heart and mind this week and that she's been praying for me. She also shared a verse with me about "being still". Stillness. Yes. That is what I hope for. It takes every ounce of my effort to remain still . . . especially when it seems like life is so chaotic. I know I contribute to that chaos by some of my own choices, but much of my chaos has been created by the simple fact that I live in a fallen world.
It is so easy to get trapped into negative thinking these days. Immediately following the crisis in Paris, I posted verses of hope and proclamations of God's power on my Facebook account, with the intention of speaking words of God's truth into the lives of my friends. I'm not sure if anyone actually noticed that I had a theme going on, and honestly, it doesn't matter if they did or didn't. I wanted to combat all the fear I was sensing with the promise of God's ultimate power and control over this world that HE created and over the very people that HE loves.
So here I sit a week later, and I am feeling very depleted and worn. I have fears. My fears are not about whether or not I'm going to be bombed or threatened by terrorists. That doesn't scare me as much as the future of the people whom I love. I remind myself to be still and to trust in the most powerful and all-knowing ONE. I lift up my fears to God . . . ask Him to take them from me . . . turn my hands over . . . and drop my hands with a sense of relief. And I will do it all over again tomorrow.