Thursday, June 2, 2011

Stuck


Wow, it's hard to believe that I actually haven't posted here since the middle of April.  It's not that I haven't been here, or had anything to say; I'm just finding myself to be stuck.  Stuck in so many areas that I don't even know where to begin to write about my "stuck-i-ness".

Life is busy.  But at the same time, I find that there are moments in my day that I look back on and feel I've wasted them.  Spending too much time researching on the Internet; spending too much time on Facebook; spending too much time reading just for the sake of reading; spending too much time taking power naps just so that I can get through the evening; spending too much time sitting and twiddling my thumbs when I could be more productive.  But it's the moments "wasted" where I feel like I've regained some of my energy, which has been lacking of-late.

I feel stuck in so many areas of my life - in my job, in my parenting, in my marriage, in my friendships, in my ministries, in my purpose.  I look around my and see all the things I need to do--everything I need to accomplish.  Then I look away and try to ignore it because I don't have the energy to tackle the project(s).  Therefore, little "messes" tend to pile up - and I don't just mean physical messes.  These are "messes" in relationships, in attitudes, in feelings.

I am really looking forward to summer holidays - probably moreso this year than any other.  I think part of that has to do with the fact that I have been trying to juggle a lot and keep a lot at the top of my priority list, and I am longing for the day when two significant weights will be lifted at least for a short while - those weights are my job and my role as Mitchell's homeschooling teacher.  Yes, June 29th cannot come soon enough.

It is not that I despise either of these tasks.  My job has taken a turn for the better since Christmas, and homeschooling has been successful as far as I'm concerned.  But they are two responsibilities that I look forward to having a bit of a break from. 

Being stuck isn't a good place to be in.  I want to move forward and not regress.  I don't want to stay stuck.  I'm just seeking some direction from God right now in a couple of areas in my life and I think the waiting for answers is also contributing to my feeling of being stuck.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
 ~Philippians 3:12-14, The Message

7 comments:

Anita said...

I totally get where you are coming from, as I have been feeling that way too. Thanks for sharing, and I hope things get better soon.

~Rain``` said...

Kimmy, I have a typed, double column, 12 point font list stuck to my fridge that doesn't seem to get any shorter. Like you, I feel OVERWHELMED. But I procrastinate...

Recently, I watched a movie that was VERY thought provoking. And one quote (of many) resonated with me, “No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter truly slide,” (I’ll blog about it later). Thus, I am praying this for both of us. That God will conquer our fears. Take away our distractions. And give us the courage to let go of the things that really don't matter.

Btw, I am glad you are reading for the sake of reading. That is AWESOME!!!

Nata-tat-tat said...

I feel like that too. I mean my life consists of getting up, eating, school, homework, eating and sleeping and then it happens all over again. I feel like each day is routine and I am wasting life. I am getting older and I haven't done much with my life so far.
So thanks for posting. I feel like I'm not alone.
Thanks.

Lovella said...

Well, Kimmy, my dear sister, I want to respond to this post but it seems difficult to know just how. I can totally relate to how you're feeling, and I'm so proud of you in the accomplishments you've made in your work, your mothering, your homeschooling Mitchell and your relationship with Jesus!

I think you need to allow yourself a little more grace. It's so easy to get caught up in all the things that you feel you need to accomplish but sometimes we just need to allow ourselves the time to just read, watch movies, take a nap and even just twiddle our thumbs if that's what it takes to rejuvenate ourselves. I really liked what the speaker said at the spring ladies retreat I went on in April. God made us human "Be-ings" and NOT human "Do-ings". Sometimes we get so caught up in the doing that we forget that in God's eyes the most important thing is to focus on relationship- with Him and with those around us. I'm not saying that gives me permission to let my house and yard go "to pot" but sometimes it's OK to just let things slide for a little while so I can re-focus and re-energize.

I, too, am so glad this school year is done. I find homeschooling to be very stressful at times, especially towards the end of the year and I still see all that we need to get finished, but thankfully we've made it once again and I think Tanner managed to finish out his high school years OK. I feel so blessed to have had this time to build into my children's lives. It goes by so VERY quickly.

I will pray for you that God will continue to give you the strength you need and that you will find joy and peace in your relationship with Him which will permeate throughout your day to day living.

Love you SO much! Can hardly wait to see you this summer!!!

Lovella said...

Wow! That was REALLY long! Sorry!

Cons-structions said...

My dear sister Kim--I think you are less "stuck" than you think. Does God call us to "busy-ness"? I think not. Why should you feel guilty for relaxing, reading and enjoying necessary down time? Satan as the father of lies is playing with your mind. At the beginning of this year I read the book, "Walking with God" by John Eldredge. I was SOOOOOOO good and refreshing in its perspective that I am re-reading it. A book I HIGHLY recommend as we all seek to walk the walk God wants for us.
I LOVE YOU--you are a precious sister and friend.

Anonymous said...

Jumping onto this post, even though my comment doesn't apply here, but I just wanted to wish you a Happy Canada Day and hope you are able to do something special. I would love to read another update when you get a chance, to find out how things are going. I'm sure you are super busy, given the summer months, but then again, when do things ever really slow down?

Michelle