Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wow, it's hard to believe that I actually haven't posted here since the middle of April. It's not that I haven't been here, or had anything to say; I'm just finding myself to be stuck. Stuck in so many areas that I don't even know where to begin to write about my "stuck-i-ness".
Life is busy. But at the same time, I find that there are moments in my day that I look back on and feel I've wasted them. Spending too much time researching on the Internet; spending too much time on Facebook; spending too much time reading just for the sake of reading; spending too much time taking power naps just so that I can get through the evening; spending too much time sitting and twiddling my thumbs when I could be more productive. But it's the moments "wasted" where I feel like I've regained some of my energy, which has been lacking of-late.
I feel stuck in so many areas of my life - in my job, in my parenting, in my marriage, in my friendships, in my ministries, in my purpose. I look around my and see all the things I need to do--everything I need to accomplish. Then I look away and try to ignore it because I don't have the energy to tackle the project(s). Therefore, little "messes" tend to pile up - and I don't just mean physical messes. These are "messes" in relationships, in attitudes, in feelings.
I am really looking forward to summer holidays - probably moreso this year than any other. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I have been trying to juggle a lot and keep a lot at the top of my priority list, and I am longing for the day when two significant weights will be lifted at least for a short while - those weights are my job and my role as Mitchell's homeschooling teacher. Yes, June 29th cannot come soon enough.
It is not that I despise either of these tasks. My job has taken a turn for the better since Christmas, and homeschooling has been successful as far as I'm concerned. But they are two responsibilities that I look forward to having a bit of a break from.
Being stuck isn't a good place to be in. I want to move forward and not regress. I don't want to stay stuck. I'm just seeking some direction from God right now in a couple of areas in my life and I think the waiting for answers is also contributing to my feeling of being stuck.
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
~Philippians 3:12-14, The Message