Friday, June 4, 2010

What Have I Done Wrong?

Do you moms out there ever get the feeling that you are failing miserably as a mother?  I do.  And I'm in that state right now.

This is Ty's birthday weekend and he has a school friend over for night tonight.  He and his friend returned from one of their year-end field trips late this afternoon; they are both running on little sleep.  And so is Mitchell.  The fatigue and adrenaline drain (from the trip) combined with a big brother is turning out to be a recipe for disaster.  At the moment, the house is relatively quiet.  They all seem to be getting along.  But about 2 hours ago I thought I was going to have to take the friend home due to issues that the three of them were having with each other.  Seriously, I was ready to pull my hair out. 

It is times like this that I wonder why I ever thought I could be a mother and impact my children for the betterment of God's kingdom.  In the near-presence of WWIII a couple of hours ago, I wonder why everything I've taught them about treating each other kindly, setting an example for others to follow, being respectful and loving towards each other, seems to have gone in one ear and out the other.  And honestly, I've been "training them up" in this way for years--nine and almost eleven years, to be precise.  But it doesn't seem to be working.  I tend to analyze my parenting during these times and I have come to the conclusion that I/We have done something horribly wrong with these two boys.

I am tired of the fighting.  I am tired of the threats and the intent to harm.  I am tired of refereeing what seems like constant fighting . . . Can I please run away?


Melanie said...

Trust me, you are the right person for the job. I know at times you wonder if anything you teach them is retained, it's there. I think of it like missionary work, you plant the seed, lead by example and love them. They hear you, the see you, they love you. You are allowed to be frustrated, tired and want to run, I've been there. Hang in there Kim!

~Rain``` said...

You are doing a fantastic job with your boys! Be encouraged. Your boys sound like boys. Just like my daughter sounds like a typical two year old when she throws a fit!