Remember to Breathe

For the past six months any time I've had at home has been well-planned and well-spent, with constant reminders of everything that needs to get done around me and not enough time to do it in.

Now that I've resigned from my job and I am on my first "official" stay-at-home-mom day, I'm finding it tricky to just breathe. Part of me thinks that this is just a "day off" and that I've got to use every spare moment for productivity. But then I remind myself that no, for right now, this is my life again. I can relax for a few minutes. And if I spend more than 20 minutes surfing through my blog roll, that's okay. Granted, I don't want to spend all day on my computer, but there's a sense of relief knowing that I have all week to accomplish what I normally would have done in one Saturday.

This is going to sound strange, but I feel guilty. I saw my husband off to work this morning at 6:30 a.m. and my boys off to school at 8:25 a.m. and I quickly got my kitchen cleaned and started on laundry and . . . it looks like I might have some free time on my hands today which has been UNHEARD of for the past six months. But I have this sense of guilt that somehow I'm not deserving of having time to relax--having time to read, just for leisure; having time to bake, just for leisure; having time to lie down and take a nap, if I so desire; having time to watch a home renovation show (which I love) or the last few weeks of What Not To Wear (which I also love), just because I want to.

I called the school today to let them know that I can sub again if they need me. It felt great to be able to make that call. When I originally took my office job, it was supposed to only be 2 to 3 days a week. But, after two weeks, it was obvious that it was going to be more than that. And so, on the 2 days a week that I was supposed to be at home, I thought I could still sub at the school if they needed someone on those days; however, that idea was quickly put to rest and I didn't get to sub at all. And I really enjoy subbing. I love working with the kids in the school and having more people-time. So, we'll see what happens with the subbing. We are trusting that God will provide just the right balance of days at home and days at school. I'm just grateful that I have this possible source of extra income to help manage the bills.

I've already seen evidence of God's blessing since Friday's turn of events in my life. God is good. All the time.