Thursday, February 13, 2014

Valentine's Schmalentine's

I love the concept of the day.  Showing love extravagantly.  Showing the ones you love how much they mean to you and how much you care about them.  But I sort of think this is something that should happen on a regular basis, not just one day a year.

I think the day has been made into something that perhaps, it was not originally intended to be.  I think that consumerism is fueling Valentine's Day, as well as expectations placed on couples, which might not even be realistic.

I used to be an all-out "Valentiner" . . . before I was married.  I would loathe the fact that I was single, longing for what I thought would be such a perfect day, if only I were in love.  Or if someone else were in love with me.

Those days are long gone.  When you've been with your spouse for 17 years, you know that there is an ebb and flow that exists within the marital relationship, and sometimes February 14th is a "bad marriage day".  What do you do with that?

Well, first of all, I bathe my marriage in prayer.  I ask that God works in my heart first, and that the Holy Spirit will convict my husband of what he needs to change, not what I hope will change.  Secondly, I face the day with no expectations.  This was a hard lesson for me to learn, and let me tell you, many a Valentine's Days have passed where my feelings towards my husband were more hateful than loving, because I had placed this ideal "Valentine's Day" expectation on the table, and in all reality, it wasn't necessary for my husband to act on that ideal just to prove that he loves me.   Everyone has a different way of expressing love, and that's fine.  Actually, as time goes on, I think it is safe to say, and okay to say, that our "romancing" has become more purposefully comfortable in recent years than it has been for the purpose of alluring my spouse in the more traditional sense of the word "romancing".  I'm not sure how my readers will take that, but for us, it's okay.  I am okay with the fact that I am more comfortable in my marriage with Wayne now--more than I was yesterday, or the day we married, or two months ago.  I think that's growth.

Don't get me wrong.  I still enjoy dating.  As far as I'm concerned, dates are necessary for us.  Dates are a time for us to reconnect without the distractions of our responsibilities at home, our children, our jobs, our friends, etc.  It's time for us to just be us.  While these dates are not always traditional in the sense of a date, there are many days that I am just as happy to have a stay-at-home-date than I am to have a dress-up-and-go-out-date.  Truly, it's more about making a connection than it is about where the date takes place.

Outside of marriage, I think there is also a place to show love to others on a daily basis.  There are hurting people all around us, and I think that any time we show an expression of love to another human being, because of the fact that God loves us and we love God, a greater purpose is accomplished.  I love the lyrics in the Newsboys song, "That's How You Change the World" . . .

All my life I had big dreams . . . to do big things and make a change
And all the while, I just passed by . . . the simple needs right here next to me

'Cause there's a breaking heart . . .That's fallin' apart
And tear filled eyes lookin' back at me . . . God, won't you help me to see

It's the prayer in an empty room . . . little things we do when nobody's around
A hand reaching out to a heart in doubt . . . it's the smallest spark that can light the dark

That's how you change the world . . .

A million little drops of rain . . . can be enough to cause a tidal wave
A flood of Your love . . . that no one can contain

'Cause there's an empty soul . . .that wants to be known
Around me now, that I can lead to You . . . revealing love that won't refuse

It's the kind words . . . A simple smile . . . More than showin' up . . . Going the extra mile
It's giving everything . . . When you've got nothin' left . . .
Sharin' a little hope . . .With a single breath

That's how you change the world

So, wherever this Valentine's Day is going to find you, remember this:  Love God, Love Others.  And Change Your World!

Follow the link to hear the song . . .


Anonymous said...

I so needed to read this! Tough day yesterday, still working through it. I continue to marvel at our similarities!

Connie Mae Inglis said...

EXCELLENT post, Kimmy! I LOVE reading about what God is teaching you and where you have come from and how that is revealed in your relationship with Wayne.
Doug and I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day, and I am totally fine with that. Every now and then he surprises me with something but generally we just don't like the hype/commercialism around the day. It's the day-to-day consistency in the relationship that matters not the one-day-a-year mountain-top love expressions.
And, yes, praying for our husbands is HUGE!!!!!!!
Great song too--showing love in the day-to-day to those we come in contact with. Where will you and I see God in the people around us today? Hmmmmmmmmmm.