Beauty in Marriage

    

     Our church is currently doing a sermon series on marriage, and it's just what my husband and I need right now in order to re-charge our marriage batteries.  This year we will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary, and in some ways the time has gone by quickly, and in other ways, it has dragged.  I am sure many married people feel that way . . . the better years have zoomed by and the challenging years have progressed at a turtle's pace.  Whatever the case, I'm so glad to be "parked" on this theme for a while at church, and so far the sermons have been excellent.
     Without either one of us verbalizing our intentions at the turn of the New Year, we both had made a personal commitment to do a better job at being a husband/wife to our spouse in 2014.  This was before we knew that our church was going to engage us each Sunday for the next two months on the very thing we both wanted to grow in and get better at.
     I allowed a couple of weeks to pass before I actually confronted my husband about some of the changes I was seeing in him with regards to our marriage.  Perhaps "confronted" is the wrong word to use, because that word usually implies something negative is needing to be dealt with.  On the contrary, I believe the Holy Spirit was working in both Wayne and I, pointing out areas that needed some changes to how we were living out our marriage.  Although the changes were/are likely subtle to the outsider, my boys even noticed a different "tone" in the house, so maybe the changes weren't so subtle after all.  We're still working on things, and there's lots to be done; but it's progress, and we'll both take it.
     When you live with someone, they see the truest you that no other human being will ever know---the good, the bad and the ugly.  That's a hard pill to swallow if you enter marriage with unrealistic expectations, and a hope to change the other person into somebody they couldn't possibly become.  For the record, I did not enter my marriage in that way entirely, but until you are actually married, you don't really know what you've gotten yourself into.  You have to trust that you've made the right decision and move forward, whether or not the expectations are fulfilled, and whether or not your spouse does in fact, change. 
     In all reality, my husband and I have changed.  We've changed together.  When life has thrown challenges our way, we've changed.  When life has given us responsibilities and experiences that we would've rather avoided, we've changed.  When prosperity and joy have existed for periods of time within our marriage, we've changed.   But we haven't changed as two separate parts--we've changed as one couple, even though we are two different people, experiencing the same thing at the same time . . . our reaction and response will be different, but the experiences will still change us.  What happens to my husband will ultimately have an affect on me, and vice-versa.  But I believe that staying strong, being grounded in our faith and supporting each other through the changes is what has kept us together.  That, and the grace of God.  Actually, it is only the grace of God has kept us together.
     Our marriage has gone through many seasons, as any marriage will.  I know there were skeptics out there about us, naysayers who claimed we would never make it, and our marriage wouldn't last.  And in some ways we have failed because of how our family fell apart when my stepson had to be removed from our home by Social Services.  I have spent nine years grieving the fact that, while our marriage has managed to stay together, and admittedly, only by a thread at times, we were not able to keep our family unit whole.  This is one part of our story that is scary, and ugly, and messy.  I'm not proud of it, and there are still days that it is all surreal to me.  However, in the midst of those very trying years, we've been able to re-establish a foundation to build on so that we can implement restoration for our family unit.  It isn't going to look like it used to, but I believe that God can take (and is taking) ruin, and attempting to build something beautiful.  Our story isn't over yet, and it won't be until we pass on from this life into eternity.** 
     A few months ago I watched the movie, Eat Pray Love, which is based on a book by Elizabeth Gilbert.  In the movie, there is a quote that struck a chord in me, and it is this:  "Ruin is a gift.  Ruin is the road to transformation."  I think these words resonated with me so deeply because I have felt like much of my married life, and more specifically in the role of being a stepmother, has been spent in a state of ruin.  It hasn't always been fun and there is still rubble that I trip and stumble on because of the ruin.  But I believe it is this ruin that has been an integral part in creating me into who I am today.  It's like the refiners fire that burns away the impurities so that the true beauty of the precious metal can be revealed.  The ruin truly has been leading me to transformation.  I'm not fully transformed . . . I won't be until my physical body dies . . . but there is something comforting in knowing that the ruin has a purpose, and it is as I find this purpose, that God will keep transforming me into who He intended me to be.

Some times it’s hard to grow when ever body is watching.
To have your heart pruned by the One who knows best
Although I am bare and cold I know my season’s coming
And I will spring up in….in this faithfulness.

CHORUS:
With my roots deep in you
I will grow the branch that bares the fruit
And though I’m small I still will be standing in the storm.
Cause I am planted by the river
By your streams of living water
And I will grow up strong and beautiful all for your splendor Lord.

So with my arms stretched out I am swaying to your heartbeat.
I am growing with the sound of your voice calling
You are bringing out the beauty that you had put in me
For your joy and for your glory falling.

Read more at http://www.lyrics.com/for-your-splendor-lyrics-christy-nockels.html#47vOL44retp8Ecvi.99

"Sometimes it's hard to grow when ever body is watching.
To have your heart pruned by the One who knows best
Although I am bare and cold I know my season's coming
And I will spring up in... in this faithfulness.

With my roots deep in you
I will grow the branch that bares the fruit
And though I'm small I still will be standing in the storm.
Cause I am planted by the river
By your streams of living water
And I will grow up strong and beautiful all for your splendor Lord.

So with my arms stretched out I am swaying to your heartbeat.
I am growing with the sound of your voice calling
You are bringing out the beauty that you had put in me
For your joy and for your glory falling."

~lyrics from "For Your Splendor" by Christy Nockels~

**(I have only touched on the story about my stepson, and if you know us personally or have been following my blog for several years, you'll know what I'm referring to; it is too long of a story to get into now, but if you want to learn more about that part of my life, leave me a comment and I might share more in a personal message).

Some times it’s hard to grow when ever body is watching.
To have your heart pruned by the One who knows best
Although I am bare and cold I know my season’s coming
And I will spring up in….in this faithfulness.

CHORUS:
With my roots deep in you
I will grow the branch that bares the fruit
And though I’m small I still will be standing in the storm.
Cause I am planted by the river
By your streams of living water
And I will grow up strong and beautiful all for your splendor Lord.

So with my arms stretched out I am swaying to your heartbeat.
I am growing with the sound of your voice calling
You are bringing out the beauty that you had put in me
For your joy and for your glory falling.

Read more at http://www.lyrics.com/for-your-splendor-lyrics-christy-nockels.html#47vOL44retp8Ecvi.99

Some times it’s hard to grow when ever body is watching.
To have your heart pruned by the One who knows best
Although I am bare and cold I know my season’s coming
And I will spring up in….in this faithfulness.

CHORUS:
With my roots deep in you
I will grow the branch that bares the fruit
And though I’m small I still will be standing in the storm.
Cause I am planted by the river
By your streams of living water
And I will grow up strong and beautiful all for your splendor Lord.

So with my arms stretched out I am swaying to your heartbeat.
I am growing with the sound of your voice calling
You are bringing out the beauty that you had put in me
For your joy and for your glory falling.

Read more at http://www.lyrics.com/for-your-splendor-lyrics-christy-nockels.html#47vOL44retp8Ecvi.99