So here's an update on my surgery--two months after it has taken place.
Overall, I would say that I am physically healing quite well. My incision is smoother than it was a month ago, and the line is diminishing little by little. If I don't keep the scar plus the area surrounding the scar super-moisturized (either with Vitamin E cream or Aloe-Vera gel), at all times, it gets very dry, wrinkly and pink in colour. However, I see it each time I look in the mirror, and I suppose I always will. But I have chosen to use the scar to be a reminder to me about God's faithfulness and healing in my life, in more ways than just the surgery itself. The scar reminds me that my outer appearance doesn't matter--it truly is what's inside that counts. I guess that's why my husband repeatedly tells me (by repeatedly, I mean, every time I bring up the scar), that he doesn't notice my scar. Until I remind him of it. But yet, he tells me I'm beautiful--he doesn't see the scar because he knows that I am more than a permanently-damaged physical body--he sees beyond that and I do not take that for granted. I appreciate his ability to see past the physical and love me for all parts--the good and even the not-so-good. And I'm not talking the physical not-so-good . . . I mean the inner ugliness that he is able to overlook despite my shortcomings.
Since I last wrote I've had to make a decision that was a difficult one for me, and that is a decision surrounding my voice. Prior to the surgery, I was an active participant in our church's worship teams, and I sang on a monthly basis. However, since the surgery, I've tried that once, and it did not go well. I can still sing (although, I don't think my voice sounds as good as it used to--not that I ever thought I had a great voice . . . it's just not good at all now.) I have lost the ability to endure a 45 minute practice, followed by two church services of singing the same songs again, which makes a total of singing 18 "songs" on the Sundays that I'm on a worship team. On the Sunday that I did attempt to sing, by the time the pre-service practice was over, my voice was toast.
I remember back to when I found out that I needed surgery . . . I shared my fears with my husband about my voice potentially changing as a result of what was about to happen to my body . . . of course it would've been ridiculous for me to avoid the surgery in order to save my voice; however, I'm sad about this turn of events and I hope that one day my voice will return to it's "regular-strength" self. Thankfully, I am still able to sing as a participant during our Sunday-morning worship time--I just can't do it three times in one morning.
Aside from my destroyed singing voice, the only other significant things that I'm experiencing, which I have my surgery to thank for, is super-dry hair, and super-itchy skin at the incision site. My hairdresser informed me that anaesthetic can do strange things to hair--even two months later. I keep moisturizing and conditioning my hair, but to me it always looks like a dried-up bird's nest due to split ends. And I think my incision-site is itchy because I'm healing from the inside-out. As per my surgeon, it is going to take about a year for my body to completely heal. I just need to be patient.
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