Thursday, March 10, 2011


paranoid adjective  1. (Informal) suspicious, worried, nervous, fearful, apprehensive, antsy.

For those of you who happened to read my blog yesterday, I had a post up entitled, The God Ultimatum.  I removed it last night, several hours after I posted.  I received one encouraging comment after writing the post, (thank-you) and suddenly became concerned about leaving the post out in cyberspace for the entire world to read.  I guess you could say I was paranoid.  Paranoid that someone might be able to figure out who my friend is that I refer to in the post, which could potentially hurt the person I was using to build my thoughts around.  I guess I felt like I was "blog-gossiping", if there is such a thing.  I may have to find another way to write on the topic, because I really wanted to get some feedback from my readers.  However, I'm not sure how to do that without using the real-life example I shared.

When I was in high school, my math-algebra-chemistry-Gr. 12 homeroom teacher had a poster up in his classroom, which is where I obtained the above quote regarding paranoia.  Unfortunately, I could not find an exact replica of the actual poster, but the words are the same.  I'm not sure why, but for 20+ years, the words of this poster have stuck with me.  I have lived life in a paranoid state at times, so maybe that's why the words of the poster decide to pop into my mind every now and then.

I recently removed another post that I wrote, for similar reasons already mentioned, but in the case of that post, it would have been an entire organizational structure that could have suffered as a result of my thoughts. 

This is the part about blogging that I dislike the most--having to be careful about what is said, even though for me, writing my thoughts (typing my thoughts, actually) is like mini-therapy for me.  Plus, I like to receive feedback from my readers on the topics I post about.  I will never name names (unless of course it's me that I'm referring to:)), but I guess I feel like someone may be able to put two-and-two together and come up with names to go along with my references to actual people.  Am I making too much of this?  Are people really out there trying to figure out who or what I'm speaking of, or are they just interested in the thoughts behind my post, able to ignore the fact that real people are part of my writing?  Do my readers even care who the posts are actually about?  I'm not sure.

This whole process has also made me strongly consider making my blog private.  I am not sure who even reads this blog . . . I mean, how interesting could my life really be, that people who don't even know me would want to explore my world?  I'm not sure.  I guess what is making me leary about having my blog public is the fact that I have "Followers" whom I don't know and they, as far as I can tell, don't even comment.  So it begs the question, why are they following my blog?  Just wondering.

Some questions to ponder.  Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

P.S.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on private vs. public blogs.


~Rain``` said...

As you know, I tend to be a private person. And I am paranoid. Hah! I admitted it! Anyway, while my blog is only searchable if you actually know the address, I know people have visited via someone else's blog. So I guess it isn't completely private. And people can just click on "Rain" and find me. Thus, I am aware that strangers are reading my stuff, thus I protect my family's identity.

As for removing that previous post, I commend you for that. While venting is therapeutic, it is great that you are thinking about your readers and how what you write could end up being used for bad instead of good.

As for what you wrote in the post, you brought up good stuff to ponder. I hadn't commented becauase I was trying to figure out if there were any examples of people giving an ultimatum to God in the Bible and being "rewarded" for it. Can you?

michelle said...

Well, I guess you could count me as one of the people who doesn't really "know" you, but reads your blog despite living thousands of miles away. As a result, I can say that I honestly don't try to figure out who you are talking about and just take your words as you intend them to be...examples or lessons. In fact, there have been a number of times where I just feel like saying, "Hey, phone me," thinking that perhaps if you could talk to someone who isn't close to the situation it might help you think things out. (Of course then I scrap that idea for obvious reasons, given the fact that you have no idea who I am.)

Anyway, know that I read and enjoy your blog...especially the parts where you try to work things out or give me things to think about, even if I don't always get a chance to respond the way I should.


Kimmy said...

Michelle: You were not one of the people I was referring to. I have developed on-line friendships with many other bloggers and I think that's great. The people I was referring to are those who I may consider to be lurkers and I just get a bit concerned about that. If you look at my "Followers" at the bottom of the page, I have only "know" a few of them and the rest are people who have obviously found me in cyberspace in some way, shape or form. However, they've been following for a while but to my knowledge, have never commented.
I LOVE having you read my blog. We've developed a "Bloggy friendship" and I think that's cool. I welcome those sorts of friends. There are about 5 people (from the U.S.) that I have connected with due to my blog and I think that's so cool. I've received only one phone call from them as a result, which was pretty neat. Please, KEEP reading. I love having you visit:)

Kimmy said...

Mistake in my comment: It should read "I only know". Somehow the "have" was added:(

lorig said...

I read one private blog. It is private for the safety of the family and they still have to be careful what they post. My blog not only is public but I post pictures of my kids complete with their names in the articles. I do not post pictures of friends kids without their permission. Everyone has a different comfort level and that needs to be respected. I read the article you mentioned before you took it down. It has me thinking. Thinking is good. It has me thinking about those with whom I have contact that are having a hard time. Is there something God would have me do as His hands and feet that I am neglecting. It has me thinking about whether there is a right way to talk to God. I think he is big enough to handle our complaints. I also know from the story of the Isrealites in Exodus that he doesn't like complaining. My full response to that article is too long for comments. Your voice came through in the article as concerned for your friends not as malicious, maybe because I know you enough to know that this came from a place of concern and not a place of gossip. A place of frustration at the attitudes that you see as holding them back.

May I suggest instead of a private blog a digital journal that you can work out the articles before you post them. That way you can vent when needed and have the therapy it provides and your voice can continue to be part of the conversation that leads us to deeper thought (even for those you have not met).

Kimmy said...

Lori: Thanks for your comments. I appreciate what you said, and I hadn't really thought about the fact that you are right, God is able to handle anything we have to say to Him and the Psalms are FULL of examples of complaints and questions; I have no problem with expressing our true feelings to God. I do that myself. He knows my heart and I'm sure nothing shocks Him. However, it is when we stop trusting Him to help us get through the tough times that has me troubled.
You mentioned that your response to the post is too long for comments, so maybe we could chat about it one day in person. :)