paranoid adjective 1. (Informal) suspicious, worried, nervous, fearful, apprehensive, antsy.
For those of you who happened to read my blog yesterday, I had a post up entitled, The God Ultimatum. I removed it last night, several hours after I posted. I received one encouraging comment after writing the post, (thank-you) and suddenly became concerned about leaving the post out in cyberspace for the entire world to read. I guess you could say I was paranoid. Paranoid that someone might be able to figure out who my friend is that I refer to in the post, which could potentially hurt the person I was using to build my thoughts around. I guess I felt like I was "blog-gossiping", if there is such a thing. I may have to find another way to write on the topic, because I really wanted to get some feedback from my readers. However, I'm not sure how to do that without using the real-life example I shared.
When I was in high school, my math-algebra-chemistry-Gr. 12 homeroom teacher had a poster up in his classroom, which is where I obtained the above quote regarding paranoia. Unfortunately, I could not find an exact replica of the actual poster, but the words are the same. I'm not sure why, but for 20+ years, the words of this poster have stuck with me. I have lived life in a paranoid state at times, so maybe that's why the words of the poster decide to pop into my mind every now and then.
I recently removed another post that I wrote, for similar reasons already mentioned, but in the case of that post, it would have been an entire organizational structure that could have suffered as a result of my thoughts.
This is the part about blogging that I dislike the most--having to be careful about what is said, even though for me, writing my thoughts (typing my thoughts, actually) is like mini-therapy for me. Plus, I like to receive feedback from my readers on the topics I post about. I will never name names (unless of course it's me that I'm referring to:)), but I guess I feel like someone may be able to put two-and-two together and come up with names to go along with my references to actual people. Am I making too much of this? Are people really out there trying to figure out who or what I'm speaking of, or are they just interested in the thoughts behind my post, able to ignore the fact that real people are part of my writing? Do my readers even care who the posts are actually about? I'm not sure.
This whole process has also made me strongly consider making my blog private. I am not sure who even reads this blog . . . I mean, how interesting could my life really be, that people who don't even know me would want to explore my world? I'm not sure. I guess what is making me leary about having my blog public is the fact that I have "Followers" whom I don't know and they, as far as I can tell, don't even comment. So it begs the question, why are they following my blog? Just wondering.
Some questions to ponder. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
P.S. I'd love to hear your thoughts on private vs. public blogs.