Even If It Doesn't Make Sense to Me, It Makes Sense to God

My last post was written just moments after the fact that I found out my husband wasn't chosen for the job he applied for. Moments . . . moments where my anger got the better of me . . . moments where where I felt I had just been dealt the worst hand ever . . . moments where I was experiencing disappointment, fear, uncertainty and dismay.

I removed the post a couple of hours after I posted it for a number of reasons, but mostly because I was concerned about what you would think of me. I mean really, just a couple of posts before that one, I quoted a statement on trusting God, and my post was a complete rejection of that concept. I will be re-posting that post, for the sake of posterity. It serves as a reminder to me of how deeply I felt about the rejection that my husband endured, even though it seems that the rejection has wounded me more than it has him. Sometimes I need to re-read those things later in life as a reminder to me of where we've been and how far we've come. So yes, to those of you who have questioned where that post "went", it will reappear as soon as I post what you are currently reading.

Over the past several days I have come to realize that what happened after receiving the bad news that Wayne did not get the job, I had a temper tantrum directed at my Heavenly Father. I didn't get what I wanted and didn't understand why He was holding back on something that I thought I needed to have happen. As I reflected on that image of God as my Father and me as His child, with Him as the disciplinarian and me as the one who is to trust that He has His best interest in mind for me (us), it reminded me of that very same thing I do with my own children. My boys do not get everything they want. And I'm sure it was just last week that I was explaining to them that even though they ask their Dad and I for things, we don't always grant their requests, because we are older and wiser and know what's best for them right then. I tell them they'll understand this someday when they're older and have children of their own. I do not want my children to grow up being spoiled. And I'm sure God feels the same way about me. If He gave me everything I had ever asked for, my life would be a mess, and surely my dependence on Him would not be as great. And even though I still do not understand why this job was withheld from Wayne, I do have a greater sense of what God's role is in all of this.

Discipline.

This week I have had to come to a point of surrender, seeking God's forgiveness for not trusting Him in this like I thought I was, or should have been; lip service is all I was really giving God, and He desires a pure, obedient heart. I didn't give Him that.

I'm not saying that Wayne didn't get the job because of me. I'm just saying that God used this situation to teach me something (again), that has been a reoccurring theme in my life for the past 32 years--He is in control. He knows what is best for me. I don't have to worry about the future because God is already there.

Will this be tested? Yes, of course. Satan just loves to sink his dirty claws into my being, telling me lies like "God doesn't care" or, "This is your fault", or "You'll never be truly worthy to receive what you ask of God." Satan does that. He is a destroyer. Fortunately for me, my God is more powerful than those lies and He will help me overcome my fears, doubts and worries.

Do not think that I have this whole "trust in God" thing under control. I don't. And I certainly have no more answers now than I did when I wrote that post on Monday about why my husband has to remain at his current place of employment where he is not finding joy in his job. We may never know in this lifetime why God orchestrated these last couple of weeks the way He did. But I'm hoping that in a years' time, when I go back and re-read my posts from the last week, that I will have gained a slight understanding of God's plan for us.

I am truly trying to find the positive in this and this is what I've come up with thus far: firstly, my husband is employed and even though his job isn't exactly everything he wants it to be, it's a job. It puts food on our table and a roof over our heads; secondly, my husband loves me and the boys. He hasn't quit or given up on us. He is still hopeful for a job where he had the interview, and will continue to apply there as opportunities arise; Thirdly, my husband's current place of employment has put him on a shift of straight days--for how long is unknown, but we will rejoice in the fact that we currently have a "normal" family life, with no shift-work to contend with.

This past week several situations in the lives of my friends (both in-person and blogging friends), have made me step back and evaluate my own situation in light of theirs. I am not currently experiencing the loss of an unborn baby . . . my marriage is not on the brink of falling apart . . . my parent did not just pass away after struggling for years with illness . . . my one-year old baby is not fighting for his life right now. This is the reality of life that many around me are currently faced with. My problem pales in comparison to what they are experiencing. I have new perspective and a new outlook.

As life continues, I'll say it again as I've said it before . . . the theme of my life is: God is Faithful.

When Life Makes No Sense

WARNING: This blog post was written with complete and total honesty (all of my posts are honest, but I did not edit anything in this post. Perhaps I should have). Reader Beware.

November 2nd came one week early and arrived on October 26th instead. All the hoopla and great anticipation of my being able to announce some "News" on here has resulted in, once again, a huge disappointment! But that's not really news around here when it comes to life experience.

I am truly having a hard time understanding the ways of God right now. If you hadn't already figured it out, my husband was short-listed for a job that he and I really hoped he would get. He thought the interview went well. Apparently it didn't go as well as he thought. He received word today that he was not selected for the position available because other candidates were more suitable for the job.

I am so very disappointed. But I have to remind myself that through the past couple of weeks as we've moved through these days of waiting, I kept telling God, "This is in your hands." I just don't understand why we are continually "thrown bones" of opportunity, giving rise to hope and anticipation that something might finally work out for different employment options (either for Wayne or myself), and then it results in no change. I don't understand what God is trying to teach me or my husband, or us combined, about our life. Why is the answer always "NO", when so many indicators in this particular instance led us to believe it would be "YES"?

If I am being completely honest with you, my (few) readers, when things like this happen, I begin to wonder if God really does care about our day-to-day lives?

Signing off, and hoping and praying that my faith will eventually become stronger and not weaker after receiving this news, I remain:

~Kimmy~

You'll Just Have to Wait

Waiting. I hate waiting. But that is the news my husband got regarding the "news" in my previous post. No news until November 2nd at the earliest.

Waiting. I hate waiting.

I feel ill.

Just Around the Corner . . .

Some BIG news may be just around the corner.

Okay, so maybe it won't be BIG news for you, but it will be HUGE news for us.

Please pray for my hubby tomorrow at 12:30 p.m. God knows. I'll fill you in later.

Thanks,

Love: Kimmy

Trust is not knowing the outcome but believing that because God is sovereign, the outcome will be inherently good.

Enjoying Autumn

Belated Wishes!

Here is Wayne with my sister's horse, Joey

Yesterday was my husband's birthday and due to my not feeling well his day wasn't the greatest I'm sure. However, I still wanted to acknowledge it . . . even though it's late~!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WAYNE! I LOVE YOU!

The Concert That Wasn't a Concert

For as long as I've known of his existence, I've wanted to see Chris Tomlin in concert. From my first realization of him as the songwriter of so many of my favorite worship songs, I've wanted to witness a live performance of this amazing singer/songwriter whose music resonates with my soul so deeply. On Wednesday night I was able to fulfill that dream. But the concert was different from how I imagined it would be. Chris Tomlin is not a performer. He is a worship leader. My evening was spent in one of the most ultimate worship times I've ever had. Nearly two hours of praising my God with hundreds of other believers felt like a little taste of Heaven to me. I am so thankful for the experience and consider myself blessed to have been able to participate in such an evening.



Chris didn't do a lot of talking. It was obvious from the onset that the evening was not about him. On the contrary, he is one of the most humble artists I've ever encountered. His intention that evening was to use the gifts God has given him in order to edify and encourage, leading us in a time of worship and praise to our King. And I truly believe he does this successfully and accomplishes this wherever he plays.

Aside from his obvious instrumental and vocal abilities, something that struck me about Chris was his size. He's an adorable ball of energy, small in stature but huge in voice. I don't know exactly how tall he is, but I'd say no more than 5 ft. 5 in. For some reason I was expecting him to be taller. And bigger. It was so adorable when, after the encore performance of God of this City, he kind of took a "hop and a skip" as he left the stage and into the wings. Don't ask me why I took note of that. I just did.

Chris challenged the congregation to live out what we were singing about. To show love to those in need. To be the hands, the feet, the voice of God. If you get a chance, check out the link to One Million Can, an organization that is raising one-million dollars for various charitable causes, one dollar at a time.

I must close this post with one more plug for Chris Tomlin. I was the fortunate recipient of a gift from my sister, whom I attended the event with (as well as her husband and daughter). The day before the concert, Chris' Christmas album was released. It's called Glory in the Highest and it's all I've been playing in my CD player from the minute I got to my car after the concert. I'm really enjoying it. I'm enjoying it so much that it might wear out.

So, yeah. Chris Tomlin in "concert" was definitely worth the $31.50 I paid for my ticket. I hope he comes back really soon! And if you ever get the chance to see him live, I highly recommend it! You won't be disappointed.

*photo credits to my niece, Kelsey.

P.S. Crazy me . . . I had every intention of including another tidbit from the concert but somehow got so caught up in Chris Tomlin I neglected to write about something else that was so great about the evening. I knew my friend, Kim, who is a blogger, but also a real-life friend from Bible College days, was going to be at the concert. We had Facebooked a bit about trying to meet up that evening, but there were A LOT of people there, so I think we both kind of thought it may not happen due to the crowd size. But, as I was waiting for the concert to begin, chatting with my sister and niece, I suddenly realized that Kim's husband was sitting two seats away from my niece! Eventually Kim returned to her seat and that's when we got to reconnect and chat and . . . well, it was just fantastic to see her again, and to meet her boys live and in person. So cool!

Later, Dude . . .

Just a hint of what my next post is going to be about . . .

check back later today or tomorrow . . . Enjoy!

Water-Boy Ty!