Making a Spectacle of Myself

A few months ago I visited my optometrist for my regular eye examination. My prescription had changed only slightly, but he gave me the bad news that my eyes are severely dry; so dry that he wants me to reduce my contact lens wear by several hours a day. At the previous two appointments he had indicated that this was a minor problem, but he wasn't as concerned about the number of hours I was wearing my contacts. Now, it is a bigger problem and I can totally feel it in my eyes that they are "drying out". The problem with this diagnosis is that I really hate wearing glasses. I've never had a pair of glasses that I've really liked . . . the last pair I owned I purchased in 2002 and they were fine for home, but not so much for wearing out in public. So, off to the optical stores I went, in search of "the perfect" pair of glasses, which, by the way, do not exist.

I bought mine from a place that has a 2 for 1 deal, so I actually now have two new pairs of glasses (supposedly for the price of one). Due to our financial state, I was not able to purchase them out-right and had to make payments over time until they were paid in full. This weekend I made the final payment, and so, for your viewing pleasure, here are pictures of me with my new specs. One pair is pinky-purple, one pair is black and silver. I'm not sure which pair I like better. I have discovered, though, that the black and silver pair need some adjusting . . . every time I wear them I can feel my eyelashes hit the lenses on my left side . . . not fun. I love the color of the other ones . . . but I can't really decide which pair I like better. I'll let you be the judge!

Summer Recap 2009

It is hard to believe that our summer is almost over. The boys returned to school at the end of this week . . . 2 months have flown by very quickly. The above collage is from pictures I took of the boys over the summer doing various things . . . I'm not very good at capturing every. single. moment of our lives on camera, so this is the best I've got for now. I actually quite regret not having taken more pictures.

So, here's a recap of the summer (more for posterity, but if you want to find out what we've done all summer, read on).

Last week of June, first week of July: I began the dreaded task of painting our "new" entrance way, with hopes of continuing on into the living/dining room area of the house. Unfortunately, after analyzing my color choice, I had second thoughts and decided to hold off on painting the largest area of the house. Good grief, it took me 3 days just to finish the teeny-tiny entrance way! During this time, my boys visited my parents so that I could focus on painting. The end of this week found us host and hostess to very good friends who decided to "camp out" at our place for the weekend. It was one of the best parts of my summer!

Second week of July: Mitchell was enrolled in swimming lessons in the city. I coordinated as many appointments as possible during the two weeks while he was in swimming, since I was driving in to the city anyway. We all got our bodies checked, eyes checked and teeth checked. Our dogs got to visit the groomer, and we visited the hairdresser!

Third week of July: Mitchell's swimming lessons continued and he & Ty attended Vacation Bible School at our church in the evening. I helped out with registration.

Fourth week of July: Finally, a bit of normalcy. We worked on entries for our local Agricultural Fair, some friends came to play, we attended our local parade, and prepared for our holiday excursion.

Last week of July: We headed to northern Alberta to visit my sister and her family for several days. We stopped in Lloydminster to visit some good friends . . . we stayed overnight in Edmonton and had supper with my sister and brother-in-law at Red Robin (I love that place!) . . . we travelled north all the way to LaGlace and stayed at my sister's "Hotel". She lives on an acreage as well, but seriously, we felt like we were at a luxury resort. She had a pool and trampoline for the boys as well as horses and archery. We had access to a two-person jacuzzi tub and were treated to great food and fellowship. Yes, it was a great time!

First week of August: Upon returning from Alberta, my entire family (minus two), eventually arrived at my parents' house located about 45 minutes away from where we live. It was great to see everyone, play games, talk and laugh. We celebrated several family birthdays as well and it was great to reconnect with everyone again.

Second week of August: Wayne's holidays ended and he had to return to reality. The boys both had a friend over for a sleepover during the week and I got to play with them and their friends. My parents treated us to a showing of the Lipizzaner Stallions, which was excellent.

Third week of August: Unfortunately for me, my focus had to turn to studying for my final exam in the course I'm taking in order to work towards my official Educational Associate certification. Once again, my boys left to go visit their Grandma and Grandpa for a few days so that I could study without interruption. The exam went well; now I have to wait for my final mark.

Fourth week of August: This week we returned to normal school life again. I started work on Wednesday and the boys returned on Thursday for their first full day of classes. On Sunday we will be finishing off our summer with a jam-packed day . . . going to church, going out for lunch, celebrating with a friend on her 50th birthday, watching the movie "Up", followed by supper and a play at "The Barn Playhouse". Yep, jam-packed . . . and most of it courtesy of gifts/gift certificates.

So, that's the summer of 2009 in a nutshell. Of course we had many great immediate family-times together as well, sitting by the campfire, roasting marshmallows . . . playing games, watching movies, and of course, target-shooting. The boys really seemed to bond more this summer as well, which warms my heart!

Flowers

Finally, my flowers have reached their potential. Due to the cooler summer we've had, it took until mid-August for my flowers to flourish, as opposed to the beginning of July like past years. I'm enjoying the bountiful colors and aromas around my yard. I don't have a green thumb, and if you could see the state of my garden you would understand why I say that. But I love flowers . . . especially pink and purple ones!

Siebenunddreißig

Today marks my 37th birthday! I am so excited about this . . . I've been waiting all year to get rid of the nasty even-numbered age of 36. Thirty-seven happens to be one of my top-five favorite numbers, followed by 7, 17 and 77, just ahead of 57.

Since I return to work today and school is not on for the boys yet, my parents are coming over to spend the day with Mitchell and Ty and my mom will be making one of my favorite meals for supper . . . wareneki and farmer sausage with cream gravy. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a traditional German-Mennonite dish, full of calories, carbohydrates and fat. A wareneki is similar to a perogy, but instead of a potato-filling, the dough is filled with what I call real cottage cheese - not the creamy or dry stuff that you buy in the store . . . this comes from farmers who milk their own cows and take the time to make the cottage cheese as a result of that process. And the farmer sausage is also made traditionally . . . it is not purchased at the supermarket. My parents get it from a meat-processor who lives near my mom's home town. And the cream gravy--well, that's produced by mixing real cream in the same pan that the sausage was fried in, creating an absolutely delicious topping for the wareneki. So yeah . . . not something we normally indulge in, but when my mom offered to do this for my birthday supper, I could not resist. I plan to contribute to the festivities by making a Saskatoon berry Chiffon Cheesecake. Again, full of calories and fat, but hey, you only turn 37 once, so I'm ignoring all the rules of proper eating today.

In preparation for writing this post, I did a little bit of research to find out if anyone famous shares my birthday. There wasn't anyone familiar in the listing specific to August 26, 1972. However, as a result of my research, I discovered that Mother Theresa was also born on August 26th, but in 1910, not 1972. So, I decided to include her thoughts in my post today. I think she was an exemplary woman of humility and compassion. And since seven is my favorite number, I am going to leave you with seven quotes, words of wisdom from Mother Theresa:

*Words which do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness.

*Spread love wherever you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.

*We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

*I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.

*If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

*Love begins at home and it is not how much we do . . . but how much love we put in that action.

*Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.

Second-Guessing

I am scheduled to return to work in 1 day. I found out last week that I will be working in the Gr. 1 and 2 classroom, with a "new" Gr. 1 and 2 teacher. I've worked with this teacher before--some shuffling of teachers has taken place in our school for the upcoming year, so this teacher is "new" in the sense that she has not taught the Gr. 1 and 2 class (exclusively) at our school before--but she has been in our school for a year, working primarily with another age group. I'm quite excited about working with her. She's young, vibrant, enthusiastic . . . a great fit for this age group. I wish I were with her all day, but alas, due to school division budget cutbacks, I'll only be working in the morning, from 9 a.m. until noon.

As I've stated in previous posts, this cut in my hours, resulting in a cut in wages, is not something we had really hoped for. Living off of Employment Insurance during the summer months has been sort of like a "test" for us with regards to whether or not we can manage with my cut in wages. And to be honest, it has been a struggle. On the other hand, I'm not sure how realistic the month of July was, because I only received $20.00 from E.I. for the entire month . . . only now am I finally getting what I'm entitled to. That's just how it works. Lots of logistics and lots of waiting. But in the process, bills pile up and then, as our current situation is, I'm scrambling to make sure everyone is satisfied with payment arrangements I've managed to organize. I say organize, because while it sounds ridiculous, a certain skill is required in order to time payment arrangements "just right" so that there is still enough money left over for things like food and fuel. I'm not even going to mention clothing here, because, for the first time in their lives, my boys are going to start school without any new clothes.

Now, please do not think I'm writing this to make you feel sorry for me. On the contrary, this has been a great test of faith and perseverance for me. While my anxiety level was extremely high a couple of weeks ago because of all of this, I've been "working the numbers" and I think that within a couple of months, we'll be back on track and I might be able to shop at the grocery store like a normal person, instead of writing up my list and then prioritizing it according to what we cannot live without and what is currently a luxury item, even though it isn't really a luxury item . . . it's just something we can get by without that particular day. I've already informed my family that hot dogs and Kraft Dinner are going to be par for the eating course around here for a while. Thankfully, they enjoy that meal. I, however, don't enjoy it as much as they do. But, we are not starving. We have vehicles to drive. We have a roof over our heads. And we've got clothes to wear.

I know you're probably asking yourself why I would share all of that, since the title of my post is Second-Guessing. Well, here's why:

I am second-guessing my decision to keep my 50% position at the school and not seek alternate employment. I probably shouldn't have been doing this, but for the past couple of weeks I've been searching want-ads in specific places of potential employment, checking out what opportunities I'm missing because of my commitment to my current job. And what I'll say is this: The opportunities I am passing up would potentially give me the option to buy anything I jolly well please at the grocery store, at any given moment. It would allow my boys to have designer clothes (not that they would, but the option would be there). It would allow me to pay off debts that are piling up in one fell swoop. It would allow me to allow the boys to do all the extra-curricular activities they want, not just "the least expensive one." My stress level on the financial level would be next to nil. However, my stress level on other levels, such as maintaining the household, preparing proper meals and baking goodies instead of buying them, having quality time with my husband and kids . . . those things would suffer. And from my husband's perspective, a more stressed-out Kimmy is a less-tolerable Kimmy. We've tried it before and he's right. I do much better at "keeping order" in the house (and of my emotions) when I don't work a full-time job. But then again, I've never worked full-time (40 hours per week) consistently since my boys were born.

Anyways, I really just needed to get this all out and try to sort out my thoughts, in an attempt to convince myself in writing that I'm doing the right thing by keeping my current job, even with a reduction in hours. I'm more accessible to my family after school if I only work 15 hours a week. I'm going to be less stressed out over the housework now, because I'll have all afternoon to work on that, every day, without anyone else around to distract me. I will have the opportunity to rest . . . maybe even read a book or two.

Sometimes it is difficult to decipher what God's plan is for us. We are given so much free choice that I wonder how much of our own desires, actions and decisions get in the way of God's plan. I strive to listen to His voice, but when it came to this particular decision about future employment, I did not sense His direction one way or the other. It is times like those that uncertainties begin to surface and I spend way too much of my time and energy lamenting over the "what-ifs?" in life.

It is also times like this that I cling to the verses in Jeremiah 29:11-13, trusting that everything will work out in the end.

11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Today's New International Version)

No Comment

Apparently there may be some trouble leaving comments on my blog. I have gone through my Blogger settings and from what I can see, everything should be working fine. But please, if you are reading this, try to leave me a comment. If it appears that you can't, or that the comment has been 'returned' to your own e-mail, obviously there is a problem.

The only way for me to know that you encountered a problem is if you e-mail me at wkarendt@yourlink.ca and let me know. So, I'm asking for your assistance on this. If you have read this post, please try to leave a comment . . . all you have to is say "hi" and that's it. If it appears you've had problems, then e-mail me at the above e-mail address.

Thanks!

My Clydesdale

This spring Mitchell was in a play at school called, "Laffin' School Reunion". He played the part of a mischievous boy named Clydesdale . . . and yes, he had to wear a DUNCE cap for part of the performance. The setting of the play was a one-room school house, and Mitchell's role came quite naturally to him. He did a wonderful job. I was so proud of him.

My Clydesdale is now about to embark on Grade 5. Next week he begins a year of what I fear is going to be the most challenging year of his life thus far. I remember grade 5. It was tough. Expectations of the teacher were much higher than that of grade 4. The "fun" in school was somehow replaced with a feeling of "seriousness" . . . the teachers being intent on preparing their students for the reality of junior high, just two short years away. For me, grade 5 proved to be the year that I failed an examination for the first (and last) time in my life. I was horrified with that failing mark in my social studies class. I think I cried for days about it.

Grade 5 also brought on the beginnings of awareness of boys and what they thought of me. I vividly remember my crush on this boy (a VERY tall boy) in grade 6, named Darvin. Since we had combined classrooms, we spent the year "together" in a grade 5/6 split, and oh, how I liked him. I'm not sure what his feelings were about me, but I'm sure he was pretty clueless about the whole thing. However, he did get me a Christmas gift that year (even though it was prompted by the fact that we had a "Christmas Box" gift exchange in our classroom, where everyone picked a name at random for whom they had to buy a gift . . . it just so happened that he picked my name). I remember the gift so well. My gift was two-fold. The first part was a miniature Garfield character figurine. The second part was orange-flavored lip gloss. I can still taste that lip gloss as if it were on my lips right now. It tasted so good. The girls in my class bugged me about that gift for months to come . . . they said that he gave me the lip gloss so that my lips would be ready for when we had our first kiss. Oh brother. I'm sure that's not what his mom was thinking when she purchased the lip-gloss on his behalf. He probably didn't even know what the gift was when he gave it to me. And the Garfield figurine . . . well, unfortunately it met its demise several weeks after I received it. My dog, Bubba, chewed the ears off it. I still kept the chewed-up cat as a memory of Darvin, but I was always mad at Bubba for attacking it so mercilessly. (Just to clarify--I don't still have the Garfield figurine. I probably ditched it the following year when Darvin moved away).

Boy, this post is getting off track really fast.

Back to My Clydesdale. I don't know if its because he's my first-born, or if its because of all the bullying and teasing and lack of acceptance he's endured since we moved here 2 1/2 years ago, but my heart is almost breaking for Mitchell right now. I'm scared for him about grade 5. Of course, he knows nothing about this. I'm really working hard at pumping up the fact that he's entering grade 5, and encouraging him to get excited about this new venture. But I can tell he's having internal anxiety over the start of school. He's only seen one of his so-called friends all summer. I was finally able to arrange a sleepover with the one and only boy in his world who even gives Mitchell the time of day, and the sleepover went well. I really like Mitchell's friend and I hope that he and Mitchell will be able to build on their friendship in the coming year. There is also a new boy starting grade 5 this year, and in a way this could be the answer to my prayer that I've been praying since we moved here--that Mitchell would be able to claim a "best friend" in this town. His brother has a bountiful supply of "best friends" and it's so hard for me to see Mitchell witness that, when I know he desires so much to have a best friend . . . other than his dad and/or I.

My goal as a parent this year is to spend time in more specific prayers in relation to my boys. I don't know about you, but I often find myself as a mom, praying for them in a general fashion. I know my prayers need to be more deliberate and specific and that is what I'm going to try to work on this school year. I know that God can work miracles. I would love to see a miracle in my son's life this year.

Spiritual (Stressful) Gifts?

*The creation of this post began a couple of months ago but I have not had the time (or proper words) to complete it until now . . . I've kind of been mulling this over in my mind all summer . . .

It is 11:35 p.m. and I am awaiting the arrival of some friends who live about an hour away. They are coming to our yard to camp for the weekend. So funny. But we are going to love every minute of it. I refuse to sleep outside, since it is supposed to be only six above (Celsius) overnight and quite frankly, that's too dang cold for me. So instead I will snuggle under my nice warm comforter and allow the cool air come in through the windows.

So, this is my lead-in to the title of my post . . . is hospitality really my gift? According to spiritual gift testing, it is. I've never been surprised by that result, but I am completely puzzled by this because while I do think Wayne and I have a great home to entertain in, and I do like having people over, and I do enjoy cooking and baking for people, and I do like to tend to the needs of others . . . do you think a spiritual gift should cause stress? I mean, if hospitality were truly my gift, would I feel so overwhelmed and stressed out prior to the arrival of company, whether it be in anticipation of my neighbor coming over for an impromptu coffee, or my parents coming to spend the day with us, or friends (whom we haven't seen for years) are coming to spend the weekend with us . . . I get anxious over people entering my home. I get anxious over what state my place is in, i.e. clean or messy . . . over what we are going to eat and drink . . . over the behavior of my pets and children . . . even over how my house smells. And I won't even begin on what I hope my yard will look like when company comes over. Right now my yard is a lost cause. Weeds have definitely won the battle this year and I've got no more fight left in me. But that's another post for another day. (But honestly, the fact that my yard is not meeting my standards is bothering me. BIG TIME.)

Wayne has suggested many times that perhaps we should stop having company over because of the "way I get" in anticipation of the arrival of guests. But there's a part of me that SO longs for guests that the thought of not entertaining saddens me deeply. I don't think I can give it up, even at the cost of my insanity and anxiety taking over.

Now, for anyone who has ever been a guest in our home, or plans to be one in the future, please do not allow this post to overshadow the fact that I truly enjoy having company over. I enjoy people. I like guests from the moment they arrive . . . I just do not enjoy the overwhelming feelings I have in anticipation of having company. I don't know why I am like this. I wish I could change.

What do you think? Can authentic spiritual gifts cause anxiety and stress when they are put to use? And FYI . . . my other gifts are administration (no joke there) and leadership, followed closely by encouragement. In light of this, yes, I think administration and leadership gifts can definitely cause stress to an individual, simply due to the nature of the responsibility that those giftings entail. Encouragement, however, comes more naturally and I cannot imagine how that would be stressful. But along with encouragement comes exhortation, which, I supposed, could prove to be stressful at times. And one other gift that has been on the back-burner until recent years is teaching, which I am now in the process of perfecting (long process, I know). Hmmm . . . just some of my thoughts.

I hope to hear back from my readers on this topic. Please!!!!

P.S. For the record . . . our "camping" weekend with our friends was spectacular.

Why A Pacifist Learned How to Use a Gun

~Growing up, I was very anti-guns, anti-weapons, anti-hunting. I grew up attending a Mennonite Brethren church and continue to attend one to this day . . . I am a member of the denomination. I am also culturally Mennonite, my parents both of German-Mennonite heritage. I attended a Mennonite Brethren college after high school (for 3 years), and one of my favorite classes was "Anabaptist Distinctives" (or something like that, I'm not sure of the exact name of the class--all I know is that it was interesting and informative, taught by one of my favorite profs, and had something to do with Menno Simons' influence on the formation of the MB denomination).
~My husband is also Mennonite. However, he is more Mennonite in heritage than he is in his upbringing. He attended an Alliance church. He now holds a membership in a Mennonite Brethren church and this is the denomination we currently raise our children in.

~One of the things that sets the Mennonite Brethren denomination apart from other denominations is that members are Anabaptist peace-makers who do not take up arms. Mennonites are pacifists. While I am not interested in the opinion of my readers and their interpretation of what all of that means while trying to live a Christian life in the world as it is today, I felt it necessary to provide a bit of my religious background and how it influenced my worldview as I get to the main topic of this post.

~Growing up, we did not have any firearms in our home. We lived in town. My dad was not a hunter. Guns were not even really discussed in our home. I just somehow formulated my own opinion of guns and never dreamed I'd ever own one, let alone use one. And I was glad that my dad did not hunt. I am an animal lover, and killing for the sake of "sport" just did not sit well with me. I could not watch the animated Disney movie Bambi without crying my eyes out.

~However, upon meeting my husband, it became very clear to me that if we were to marry, guns would be part of the equation. My husband enjoys hunting. He is a very "let's-get-back-to-nature" kind of guy. If he had his way, we would be situated up north, away from all civilization, "living off the land". But alas, we don't. I am grateful for this fact, because I need people in my life, not just nature.
~Through the vast knowledge my husband has in the area of game hunting and the like, I now have a better understanding of the purposes of hunting, and while I still don't like it, I can appreciate my husband's desire to hunt. Hunting is a hobby of his, and it serves a purpose of supplying food (for those individuals who enjoy wild game--I don't, but that's another story for another post) and keeping certain animal populations down.

~Obviously, my boys have been influenced by their father and they too wish to "hunt". But it almost seems like it was instinctive . . . they were playing "hunting" long before they had been brainwashed by my husband. Oops . . . did I say brainwashed? I mean, influenced. In any case, they now are anxiously awaiting the day when they can go hunting with their dad. And whether I like it or not, it's going to happen someday.
~So, getting on with this post . . . up until recently I had never touched a gun. We've lived on our acreage for two-and-a-half years and Wayne has tried to encourage me to learn how to use a gun, just in case a wild animal needs to be dealt with while he's at work. I really didn't want to learn how to use a gun, but the sensible, practical part of me finally gave in to his persistence and this summer I decided to learn how to load, aim and shoot a .22 calibre rifle so that I would have a line of defense in the event that I need to kill a skunk, coyote, porcupine, etc. if they come onto the yard, threatening the boys or our dogs and Wayne isn't home to deal with it. Honestly, I hope I never have to put my knowledge of this into practice for that purpose, but because of this training, I now love to shoot at targets.

~My husband's dream came true the day I told him that I wanted to go out to our shooting range just to shoot for fun. He and the boys were so excited about this it wasn't even funny. And I honestly do not know why I find it so enjoyable, I just do. I don't enjoy loading the gun . . . I just like shooting at the target, whatever it may be. My best shot came when I attempted to shoot a golf ball from about 25 yards (75 feet) and I hit it on the second shot. Wayne hasn't even been able to accomplish that, and he's been shooting for years. He's quite proud of the fact that his wife can do this. I hope he doesn't ask me to do it again . . . I'm sure it was just beginner's luck.

~So, I've been wishing for a family ring for quite some time . . . but now Wayne wants to buy me my own gun instead. Go figure. He keeps flipping through the Cabella's catalog pointing out guns that he thinks I'd like; we take frequent trips to Wholesale Sports to check out guns. I'd rather go ring shopping. But it's cute to see him and the boys so excited about my interest in shooting.

~I truly hope that I never have to use a gun on a living thing. However, I do like shooting inanimate objects. A lot. And I now find myself watching television shows like Predator Quest and Shooting USA's Impossible Shots with my husband and sons. Funny how things change. Twenty years ago I thought I'd be married to a yuppie, living in the suburbs and dressing my children in GAP clothing . . . not married to a redneck, living in the country and dressing my children in camo.

Read-Between-The-Lines

Final exam on Friday.

Need to study.

Help!

Very behind with posting.

Will hopefully catch up next week.

Sorry!